The Post I Didn't Want to Make

For the past several weeks, well, since I went to the doctor to confirm my pregnancy, there have been problems.  The day I went to my doctor, he sent me over tot he hospital for labs. One of the labs he checked was my quantative hCG.  It's a fairly common lab for doctors to run in pregnant women.  My quant hCG came back lower than what I should be for the gestation, 4 weeks 5 days.  From that day, to August 4th, I was getting lab work twice a week.  In that short time frame I also had 4 ultrasounds.  The first ultrasound, they didn't see anything.  No sack...a big fat nothing!  The 2nd ultrasound, they were able to see a VERY small sack, too small to see a fetal pole, which is the start of the embryo.  The 3rd ultrasound, the sack was a little bigger, but still no fetal pole.  Every time I had an ultrasound, my doctor or his nurse would call and give me updates.  It wasn't until the 4th ultrasound that I began to really have hope.  Hope that everything would turn out positive.  With every ultrasound, the doctor told me it's possible I was going to miscarry, simply because my numbers weren't rising fast enough.  At the 4th ultrasound, I had to go in for another quant hCG test prior to having the US.  At the US, the sack had grown considerably, as well as my quant hCG #'s had finally caught up to where I was at, 9 weeks gestation.  YAY!!!  Something to hold on to.


The last ultrasound was done on August 4th, a Thursday.  On Tuesday, August 9th, that hope was shattered.  I started cramping horribly.  I immediately called my doctor, who, bless his heart, had me come in immediately.  He listened for a heartbeat, with no results.  He poked and prodded my abdomen, causing me a lot of pain.  He then sent me over to the hospital for another quant hCG.  When I got back to the office, he gave me the horrible news.  My numbers were at 15,000 the Thursday prior.  On this day, my numbers were at 3,000.  My worst fears were now reality.  I was having a miscarriage.  He informed me, the sack was most likely a blighted ovum


He sent me home with the plan to just let it run its course, let my body rid itself of the sack, however, If I wanted to have a D&C, to call the office and he would get it scheduled.  The pain was so incredible.  Not only did I have the cramping in my abdomen, I was having horrible pains down my legs.  I called his office back, and told them I wanted the D&C and that I was in so much pain.  It hurt so bad to even walk.  I called his office to schedule the D&C because the pain was more than even Tylenol or Mortrin could handle.


Wednesday, after 9 pokes to start an IV, over an hour late getting in to the OR, a slight panic attack going into the OR, because I wasn't knocked out, or sedated in the slightest, by 6:30pm, we were home.  I was sound asleep in my own bed...with a dose of Demerol and Phenergan in my system, to make the pain go away.


Today, I am doing okay...still have the HORRIBLE headache I have had since Thursday.  Something to do with the hormones.  You would think the hormones would be back in balance 5 days later.  After a really good cry Saturday night, I finally came to terms with the miscarriage and understand that it is all a part of Heavenly Father's plan.  I know he wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle.  I also know this trial...this loss, is making me a stronger person.


I want to thank Zane for always being my rock!!!  You truly are an AMAZING husband!  I love you more and more every day.  My Mom for coming down and watching my kids.  I know they are not easy kids to watch as they are both SO BUSY!!!  My sweet friend Emily, who brought dinner in Thursday night, and all the wonderful ladies in my ward who brought meals in.  And Zane's AWESOME Grandmother, who brought lunch in to us on Saturday.  Thank you!!!!  It's definitely not an easy thing to deal with, no matter how much you prepare yourself for it.