36 Week Ultrasound

On Monday, May 21st, I went in for my first weekly OB appointment.  Everything went great, my weight was where it should be, I was measuring right on, my BP was okay, and I had a small amount of protein in my urine, but nothing to get too excited over.  After palpating my abdomen, the doctor determined Baby head down and engaged.  When he looked at my last ultrasound, which was done at 30 weeks, the radiologist stated in her notes that Baby's femur was measuring small and recommended we do another ultrasound closer to delivery to measure his femur and humerus bones.  He told me that small femur to humerus measurements are consistent with Trisomy disorders, like Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21), and Dwarfism.  To say I was a little nervous was a bit of an understatement.  I walked over to the hospital from the clinic and had the ultrasound.  Other than the femur and humerus measurements being small, the US tech said I was measuring right on for everything else.

At 11:30am on Tuesday morning, the doctor's office called and said the doctor had received the results from the ultrasound and the doctor wanted to meet with me to go over them.  My heart sunk!  I knew it wasn't good, because normally, if there isn't a problem, the nurse will call and tell me everything is fine.  The soonest available appointment he had was at 3:30pm.  I will tell you, it was hell.  It was the LONGEST 4 hours!!!  Time seemed to be standing still that day.

Finally, 3:30 rolled around!  I knew something was up by how the staff was with me.  They are always so kind when I go in there, but this day, the kindness, they seemed to be very...empathetic towards me.  I sat in the waiting room FOREVER!  When the nurse called me back, I was so nervous.  I was using every ounce of self control I had, so I didn't start to cry (darn pregnancy hormones, anyway).  Again, I waited FOREVER...or so it seemed!  Truth be told, it was only about 20 minutes total of waiting time.  The doctor finally came in.  He shook my hand, asked me how I was doing and then was quiet for a few minutes as he did some stuff on the computer.  When he finally got down to business, he could tell I was a bit nervous (probably because of the hives I get on my neck when I get really super nervous), and asked if I was okay.  I told him that depends on what he has to tell me.  He said there was no easy way to tell me other than to just say it.  Okay.  He tells me that Baby's femur and humerus are considerably shorter in my 36 week ultrasound, as compared to my 30 week ultrasound.  He reiterates what he told me the day prior, that these are consistent with Trisomy disorders and Dwarfism and most likely, my baby has one of them.  My heart sunk.  I did everything in my power to keep myself composed.  He said it was best that we go up to Utah Valley and meet with a geneticist and perinatologist to go over the possibilities and another ultrasound on their machine, as well as an amnio.  He asked if I had any questions, which I was too numb to ask even if I did.  He walks me up to the front and asks the gal to schedule the appointment.  We had an appointment scheduled for Wednesday, May 30th, unless I went into labor before then.

As I was sitting at the front, so many of the office staff asked me if I was okay.  They all told me everything would be okay and they were sorry.  My visiting teacher Heidi, works for the other doctor in the clinic and saw me sitting there.  She asked me if I was okay, and that's when I completely lost my composure.  I told her I would have to tell her later because I was crying and didn't really want to talk about it.

The initial shock of being told your unborn baby has something wrong with him, days before delivery, is something I cannot even put into words.  My heart was so heavy.  My head was spinning.  All I could do was cry.  I think I cried most of the rest of the afternoon and most of that night.

After things set in, I know that Heavenly Father chose Zane and I to be his parents for a reason.  I also know that my Baby is one of Heavenly Father's sweetest, most special little spirits and we are SO LUCKY to have been chosen to be his parents.  And no matter what, he will be perfect in our eyes and in our Heavenly Father's eyes.  And we will love him regardless.